Karen Ferguson

In the Firelight

I had to listen to the pod cast of the Diane Rehm show more than once, because it brought so many thoughts to mind for me. There is no question that social media has changed everything. 

Talking about the loss of middle circle relationships, I think of how I grew up. I was a teen during the Vietnam war, and everything changed then, too. In my generation, our only media was radio, newsprint, and TV, but it also had a huge impact. For the first time, we were watching war live on a screen in our living rooms. It was horrifying. It is why we got involved in protests, which all happened through word of mouth. We were not anti-military, but anti-war. There is a difference. We all lost loved ones—or knew someone that did—and even the ones that did come home were never the same. We had strength in numbers, and that felt powerful. If we had not had that visual input, the Vietnam war might have gone on for many more years. 

Please don't get me wrong. Both my father and my husband were Army Rangers. I respect and support our military. It's the people with financial interest in backing wars I have issues with. I am glad we see somewhat more of what is happening around the world now. Social media drives that, and can affect politics in ways we never dreamed of in the 70's.

I know social media can be used for so much more good. I now belong to Facebook groups I value as sources for information, and support. My son is autistic, and just being able to connect with other parents of kids on the spectrum is so valuable to me. When he was little, there was very little help in southern Utah for us. Now, we have banded together and are making huge strides in services for kids here. He also wants to help other kids, and is starting to use social media to form peer tutoring and support groups. He also likes playing video games on line, as he is very good at it, and the stigmas attached to his ASD diagnosis are not so present on line.

All in all, I feel social media is a positive thing. Still, I miss having those connections that come from face-to-face relationships. People need to experience things together. A long time ago, I worked in the Grand Canyon as a guide on river trips lasting anywhere from a “daily” motor trip to eighteen day rowing trips.  Most of our guests were wealthy, professional, well-educated people from all over the world with very different backgrounds, who did not know each other at the start. It took up to three days for all that to fall away—for makeup to get forgotten, the bank account to matter less, for skin to brown, for stress to leave, and for real, personal, meaningful relationships to happen. That was the best thing about being a boatman, besides the wonderful work and place itself. 

Around a campfire, everyone is equal and welcome. The circle can expand or contract as needed, to keep everyone warm. Social media allows us to see strobe light snippets of each other, often not in context, and so full meaning and intention often have to be guessed at. 

In the firelight, faces light up with laughter and thoughts are easy to read. As the fire dwindles, people fade away to rest, and by the embers, souls are united. I miss the fire.